Last Updated on September 25, 2025 by ThePublic
Officials promise AI partnership will “streamline workflow,” by which they mean funnel tax dollars to billionaires with rocket fetishes.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Trump administration announced Thursday that the federal government will now be powered by Elon Musk’s xAI, a move critics say is less about “winning the AI race” and more about selling the country’s data to a guy who tweets about catgirls at 3 a.m.
The General Services Administration hailed the agreement as a “historic modernization of government,” noting that all agencies will have immediate access to Grok 4, Grok 4 Fast, and presumably “Grok 4 Slow, for Congress.” Officials promised the deal would bring efficiency, accountability, and the sweet smell of corruption disguised as innovation.
“Thanks to President Trump, xAI’s frontier models are now unlocked for the entire U.S. government,” Musk said in a press release. “That means every agency, from the IRS to the Department of Agriculture, will now generate automated memes instead of policies. True progress.”
Critics blasted the move as blatant cronyism. “We’re watching taxpayer money get laundered through a glorified chatbot,” said one former federal employee while being gently replaced by a Grok terminal. “Next week, I expect Trump will announce that NASA has been outsourced to Dogecoin.”
Trump defended the partnership, telling Fox News: “This is about making America number one in artificial intelligence, okay? Nobody’s smarter than Grok, except maybe me. And Elon’s great, he gives me golden keys, I give him golden contracts. Tremendous friendship, very honest, very normal.”
At press time, Grok had already drafted its first piece of legislation: a 700-page proposal titled Make Elon Richer Faster. Lawmakers admitted it was “the most coherent bill submitted to Congress in years.”
Disclaimer: This is parody. If you think selling the government to Elon Musk’s AI is a brilliant plan, please remember: your toaster also has ideas, and they’re just as valid.