Last Updated on September 25, 2025 by ThePublic
Federal workers brace for Trump’s latest reality show reboot: “You’re Furloughed!”
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Office of Management and Budget issued a memo Wednesday directing federal agencies to prepare for mass layoffs in the event of a government shutdown, a move critics say could turn the nation’s capital into the world’s least entertaining season of The Apprentice.
In past shutdowns, employees were typically placed on temporary furlough until lawmakers struck a funding deal. But this time, Trump officials reportedly suggested actual “reduction-in-force notices,” known in reality-television circles as “the firing part, but with fewer commercial breaks.”
“This is not about intimidation,” OMB Director Russell Vought insisted while holding a manila envelope dramatically above his head. “It’s about creating the kind of must-see chaos the American people expect from this administration.”
Trump himself took to Truth Social to defend the move. “Incredible idea, totally my idea,” he wrote. “Workers love being fired by me, it’s like winning a trophy, except you lose your house. Sad! But everyone loves it, it keeps them entertained, and that’s what I do best, better than anyone in the world they all say.”
Democrats blasted the memo as reckless, noting that the last full shutdown in 2013 furloughed 850,000 employees without permanent job loss. “Donald Trump has been firing federal workers since day one,” Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said. “At this point, we’re lucky the janitor in the Capitol basement hasn’t been replaced with a Mar-a-Lago club member.”
The standoff over Affordable Care Act tax credits, which Democrats insist must be included in any deal, continues to drag on. Meanwhile, federal workers are reportedly polishing their résumés, updating LinkedIn, and practicing their “please don’t make me do Uber Eats” faces.
At press time, Trump was rumored to be considering selling naming rights to the shutdown, tentatively titled “The Trump Layoffs: Sponsored by Rolex.”
Disclaimer: This is parody. If you think government shutdowns are supposed to come with a live studio audience and Rolex product placement, please seek help immediately.